Wessie did it again! This was several years ago. He was to fill out his life insurance form for work. I usually do all of these things for him, but that particular time I happened to be busy with something else.

He gets so frustrated for some reason when he is filling out forms. I just listened to him grumble and went on about whatever I was doing. He will get over it. Haha.

About a week or two later he was told that he was denied life insurance. Wow! Why? Well, his boss says that apparently he has too many problems to insure him. That puzzled us.

It turns out that instead of checking “no” to everything, he had accidentally checked “yes” to everything. Ugh!!!

So, he has aids, hepatitis C and B. He is suicidal. He has diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, mental health conditions, cancer, and is obese. He uses tobacco, nicotine, alcohol, and recreational drugs. Along with all of these, he has kidney and liver disease. The insurance company issued a big NO to insuring him. They would not even listen to the fact that it was an accident. He checked the boxes that he had all of these issues and that is that.

Our biggest question is, Why would you allow someone with all of those “issues” to drive a truck????? Haha.

NOTE: They did allow him to get a $10,000.00 life insurance policy, but no more than that.

You know the napkins you buy to use at meals?  They are square.

I usually just pick up the napkin and use it as is. Just dab your mouth with it still folded and in the square shape.  They have such thin layers, why would you open them?

Well, let me tell you, there is a reason now to open them!  My brother was over visiting and he grabbed a napkin out of tbe napkin holder.  He opened it up.  Well, inside was a stink bug!  He was just hanging out.  What the heck!  I know this is the season for them, but in my napkins??!!  I told my brother to throw out the rest of them!  He laughed and said no. Ewww.  Worst thing ever!

Those things are so gross! There are so very many at this time.  They even have memes stating they are the new state bird of Illinois!

I just cannot get over it!  In the middle of a napkin?  I already look under the outdoor furniture cushions before I sit.  You know they are under there and then there are the rumors of snakes hiding out.  I guess you have to check everything out first.

My sister always came up with silly things. She also would make up silly acronyms.  For instance, we are riding along in the car and she suddenly exclaims that we need an A.G.O.S.  Instead of spelling it out she pronounced it.  She said, “we need an agos.”  My younger brother and I asked at about the same time what that was.  She very matter of factly said it was an animal getter off the street, like we should have known.  She goes on to ask us if we saw the dead animal on the road.  She explained that an agos would take care of it. We laughed, but we now still call it an agos when we see a dead animal on the road.

Another one was a D.B.O.  she wanted to have that job, she said.  Of course, we asked.  It stood for, “dead body outliner.”

Okay, now that you have that bit of information, on to the story.  Our daughter wrote a murder/mystery play for the dinner party we had for Wessie.  Every guest had a part.  For some reason, I was going to be murdered. (I am beginning to wonder about my family’s thoughts toward me as this is the second play they have had where I am murdered!)

Anyway, before everyone arrived, the d.b.o had me get on the floor so they could outline me with masking tape.  Not only did I have to fall to the floor, I had to land in that precise position that they outlined.  Fast forward, dinner was great and the play was fun and funny.  Everyone enjoyed playing their parts.

Why did I write this? Well, after all of those years, my “dead body outline” is still there! The tape pulled the finish off of the hardwood floors.  Haha.  I say it is a memory, but . . .

We have tried everything short of just redoing the floors.  I say keep the memory there.

I crack myself up, still! Haha!

Yesterday I asked a question of several people. I told them that Wessie and I needed some help. We were trying to get my medical records together. We asked them if they had any idea how we could find out the dates of my two c-sections. Haha. You would be surprised.

Only about two people laughed and got it right away. Several said they guessed I would call the place I had them done. A few wondered if they kept records that long. I had one person ask the people they were with. The group was silent for a minute and one person said, “Wouldn’t that be the day they were born?”

I just love pranks. Of course, they all knew the answer but they were just stumped at first since I went through the whole medical records thing and how we did not know. It was such fun. I have to come up with another fun one before long. (There is a blog on here when I asked Wessie to turn on the lamp behind him. Haha. He reached to do it and turned and looked and then realized that we do not have a lamp. Such fun!)

So, I went to a dental appointment yesterday. It turned out to be really interesting. Haha.

I never knew this could happen at a dentist office. They were numbing my gums and after they were finished they rinsed and I swallowed, as I was told to do. Apparently, the numbing went into my throat. I felt a bad burning sensation in my throat and I started to cough. They checked to see how I was. I said I was okay and then I noticed I could not talk. She asked again and I managed to get out that I could not breathe.

I have to highly commend the dentist office. Within seconds, they had me hooked up to oxygen, were checking my pulse, temperature and blood pressure. Both of the doctors on duty were there and it seemed like most of the staff. They were all busy taking care of me. My blood pressure, of course, was very high. My doctor was at my side and comforting me. Telling me slow deep breaths for the oxygen and he was explaining what happened to me. He was telling me not to worry and it would be much better soon. I was thinking to myself, did anyone tell Wessie. He was out in the waiting room. Then, it occurred to me that it was certainly okay for me to pray for myself, so I did! The tech that was with me said that I sure did wake everyone up for the morning!

It was over in about 20 or so minutes, maybe 30, sure was scary for a moment! I guess I was okay before that time, but I was continued on the oxygen until my blood pressure was closer to normal. Haha. Anyway, they proceeded with the treatment and I left. I stopped at the front desk and said that I had caused some excitement. She asked if I was the one they were all yelling about. Haha. I said that was me! I explained the situation to them and left. Wessie got up from his chair and said that all he heard me say was excitement. He asked what I did this time. (I always joke and carry on or do something stupid unintentionally.) I told him I think I was having a code blue!

We kept walking to the car and inside the car I explained it to him. We were both shocked that something like that could happen to you in a dental chair. Wow! I am sure that it can, I just had never thought about it. I have to say, though, my dentist office is wonderful! Their response time was awesome and they all knew what they were doing!

I cannot believe I was raised in the country and grew up to love to camp! Why am I such a baby now and so squeamish??

My hand will never feel the same. I cannot explain it but if I step on a bug and hear the crunch, my foot feels horrible for awhile. I just cannot stand it. I have learned to take my shoe off quickly and hit it with the shoe. It is much better that way. No squeamish feeling. Well, all of those locusts are coming in and I was walking down the outside stairs to the garage and I heard something crunchy.

Ugh! My hand was on one of those and I think I may even have smashed it. I cannot believe I am even able to type this. My hand still feels tingly or something. I cannot describe it. A series of weird noises escaped my lips accompanied by oohs and other noises. I even had to look back to be certain and there were his nasty, beady, red eyes looking at me. I will probably have nightmares for days!

I have written about the tree frogs, praying mantis and camel crickets before but these ….ooh, they come inside with you on your clothing. I think I will give the tree frogs and praying mantis a break. Nothing is so ugly as those camel crickets and these locusts. I may have to stay inside for a number of weeks.

Do any of you know that squeamish feeling I am talking about? I hope I am not the only baby in the world here. Haha.

So, I got up at 4:30 with Wessie this morning. I went upstairs to let Minnie, our little dog, out. I did not have any lights but one on and as I rounded the corner in the kitchen, I tripped over a milk crate that we had put there until we took it downstairs. (The older you get, you start a pile for things to take downstairs and do not make any extra trips.) I twisted and turned and danced around before I actually hit the floor. I seemed to have landed mostly on my right side, but different areas of my body hit the floor at different times. The fall was hard enough to cause a little damage. Haha. Not enough to break anything, though. God is so good to me! I usually do not get hurt much when I fall. I attribute that to my extra padding. I was going to try to lose a little weight, but I have second thoughts about that now. Haha.

Here is the scenario, though . . . I am moaning a little bit but not crying or anything. I am a tough old bird. I usually laugh while I am rolling around on the floor, I do not know why I do this, I guess I just think it is funny and I can imagine how silly it looks. Little Miss Minnie came running over to me and was licking me like crazy and seemed so worried. Wessie heard the thuds and came running up the stairs asking, “Debbie, did you fall??” I said yes, of course, and then he stands there asking repeatedly, “Why? Debbie, why did you fall? Why?” Haha, at least this time he is not yelling at me for falling. He usually gets so upset he yells because he is worried. Yes, that is a little bit of a different response but we have all learned that he does this because he is scared and worried. He would not stop the questioning until I answered him. Funny, I never knew there was a reason or explanation needed, a fall is a fall, right? Well finally I said that I tripped over the milk carton ( a square plastic crate that holds 6 one half gallon bottles of milk that we had just recently purchased from Oberweis in Champaign). Keep in mind, I am down on the floor this whole time. Wessie came over and I thought he was coming to help me up or see how I was. He went directly to the milk crate and picked it up and put it on the table so we would not trip over it again. The whole time Wessie was questioning me, I was saying repeatedly that he needed to let Minnie out. His first concern was the milk crate evidently and mine was to let Minnie out.

I finally lifted my arm up so that he would help me up. Wessie is so funny, I think, at least to me anyway. He has made me laugh since the day I met him. He made me laugh then since he apparently thought the milk crate needed helped up before me. He took Minnie out and I limped on outside with them and walked to the edge of the deck. He asked, “What are you doing now?” I told him I wanted to see if the moon was out. He thought that was a bit stupid of me after the fall. Haha. Finally he asked how I was. I limped back in and there was a huge knot on my knee along with an instant bruise and the same thing on my elbow, both on the right side. I do not know why there is a knot on both. I have not seen that before. I have seen what they call a goose egg on your forehead before. Perhaps that is what is on my knee and elbow. The odd thing is that somehow my left thumb has a big knot on it on the inside joint and is bruised. I do not know how that happened or what it is. It is not broken and not jammed because I know how that feels to jam a finger, but it is bruised in a weird place.

I am okay. But, poor Wessie. He says he had a bad day. He went to Ace Hardware yesterday and I went out to sit on the deck. Apparently I fell asleep on the couch/bench/lawn furniture that we have out there. He came home and I was on my stomach with my hand dangling from the couch. He started yelling my name and I jumped up. He said that I never lay on my stomach and that with my arm dangling he thought I had died. He makes me laugh so much. He said, this was a bad day for him. Awww, my little Wessie loves me. I hope he has a better day today!

When someone passes on, you reminisce with people about them. There are usually great stories to tell of the wonderful memories you have had with them.

Often times, when someone passes, everyone suddenly only remembers the good things. At times, that person is put on a pedestal as the best person ever. That is normal, you did and do still love them. I used to use the word canonize. I would say that when a person passes away people canonized them. I looked up the word and I am not sure I would use that any longer but the word has one meaning as follows, “to declare (a deceased person) an officially recognized saint.” That is sort of what I mean when I say they suddenly only remember the good.

Pastor John R. Best passed away and we were recently at his service. We have known him since 1998 when he sold us his mother’s house. From that day on, he was our friend and like family. We only became closer with all of them. I know what I just said above, but it is true, there are only good memories of him and only good things to say. Honestly! Ask anyone! There were a lot of testimonies at church stating just the same. I had talked with his sister and said that our family had said there would never be another like him and she said you all can be. She said you can be, it is being like Christ. She was right, that is how Pastor was. He strived to be. I am not sure others can be like Pastor was, but his family probably comes close. She was right and it makes me want to try harder. He was such a special friend.

You may have disagreed with some of his beliefs at times, but he was still a good person. Never a word against anyone. He visited us as did his mother. You have read some of my stories about Dorothy, his mother, if you read my blogs. They invited us to church and did not give up on us. They were responsible for leading us to salvation. Dorothy held my hand when I was giving my testimony for my baptism.

Pastor Best spent a lot of time at our house teaching us the Bible, praying with us for our families, counseling us and just being a friend. We played games together, we watched movies, he told stories. He had a great sense of humor, as he would tell a funny story, he would sort of giggle while he was talking and it was infectious. Sometimes it was sort of a dry humor and then we would catch on and laugh a bit delayed, but it was a good sense of humor! He and his family were like our family. We love everyone of them. He was there for every and anything we needed. He had the ability to be led by the Lord to show up at our house when we needed him the most. He said he just felt like he should come by. He did that for several other people too. It was good that he did and the outcome was changed by his visit. I doubt that we would still be married if he had not stopped by that day. Praise the Lord. It is actually funny now. He just sat there quietly and kept smiling at us. Wessie was pacing around. Finally he asked Pastor if I called him. He said no and asked why. We all laughed and he did not leave until all was well.

His smiling face was up during the service and I have to say, I have seen that smile every single time we saw him and I will miss seeing it. When I think of him, though, I still see it. I will just start babbling here if I continue. I just want to say thank you Pastor John R. Best for being our friend, our pastor, counselor, you name it. Most of all, thank you for loving us and our family. We will miss you greatly.

So, Wessie and Heathie (our son) are both truck drivers as some of you know. They call each other and I showed them how to do conference calls. We all three talk daily and sometimes two or three times a day. A lot of these conversations are very entertaining. Well, not all, sometimes they have to stop talking to complain about other drivers. Hint: It is not gentle complaining as I am sure you know.

I mentioned in the prior blog that I have some issues. We choose to affectionately call them afflictions instead of diseases. We like the sound of that better. Anyway, we have decided to joke about our afflictions when possible. I do realize I have a different sense of humor, but this makes me laugh just thinking about it and I still am smiling slightly. It truthfully is not even that funny at all. I probably should not even share but I remember that I can reread them and smile again. Hey, that may even work for memory loss. We often tease that it may be like “50 First Dates” around here.

For those of you who do not know Heathie, he has a very quick wit and the way he says something will make you laugh just because of the way he said it. We shall see if you laugh or even smile.

We were on the phone and I usually tell a story and Heathie will say that he knew that yesterday or he will say I told it the same way before. Well, today I told a story and Wes was really interested in it. Heathie said that we all heard this yesterday. Wessie said he did not. Then it dawned on me!!!! I said Wessie and I really are best friends!!!! We will be able to tell each other the same story over and over and never even know it!

NOTE: MEMORY ISSUES ARE NOT A FUNNY THING AT ALL. IN FACT WE HAVE SEEN SO MANY FRIENDS AND FAMILY MEMBERS SUFFER THROUGH IT AS WE HAVE SUFFERED WITH THEM. WE JUST DECIDED THAT WE WOULD TRY TO USE AS MUCH HUMOR AS POSSIBLE TO LIGHTEN OUR LOAD. I AM SORRY IF SOMEONE IS HURT BY THIS OR OFFENDED.

Yes, I have been gone a long time. In fact, it feels like forever.

I had Covid and was termed a long hauler. Let me tell you, it was a long haul. Still is. I have had so many doctor appointments and tests that it keeps us hopping. We tease and say the doctors do this just to get us out of the house. Believe me, we get out enough! Couple that with the extreme fatigue, trying to keep my job and daily chores, I did not feel much like posting.

I realize that you lose readers by not being consistent and I apologize. But, here I am. It may still be sporadic because I won’t be totally well again. I will have my days and maybe even weeks that I can do nothing. I might tell the story on here but not sure people want to hear it. For now, I wanted to apologize. I do have a story to tell in just a few. I think it is funny, and again, there are those of you who do not understand my humor. I wanted to explain myself before I just started posting again, so here you go!

Love you all! Thanks for reading.

Shelby used to live about an hour away so once a month or so we would go visit her and go shopping and/or to eat. One time, she had a friend along with them. It was usually just her and her husband. Her friend was in the very back seat of our Quest. There were two front seats and two middle seats and then a rather small back seat. We had her friend sit back there.

We had been shopping quite a bit and it was a long day. We were driving along and Wessie gets the best idea ever. He noticed that her friend was asleep. He said he would hit the brakes and we should all scream. He did so!

Haha! The result was better than anything we could have imagined. I am laughing just writing about it. Her friend not only screamed, his arms and legs were flailing like he was trying to run and hit someone or something. He was a mess. Of course, we were all immediately laughing hysterically but it took him some time to stop the screaming. When he did, he abruptly stopped and said, “Jerks!”. Haha. I guess it was mean, but it sure was a good laugh.

So, this is a silly, little, short blog, but I thought it was funny! This does not mean any of you will find it funny, but I am sharing anyway in case you may get a smile from this. You know how you may be with another person and both of you are in your own thoughts? As one starts to speak, you may have something on your mind and it comes out directly after the other person speaks.Well, Shelby and I were going to pick up medicine for her dog. I had to drive her as she is very sick. We were leaving the vet and I noticed a hearse driving by. Shelby was in her own thoughts and said, “I do not feel well at all!” I immediately came out with, “There is a hearse.” Without missing a beat, she immediately followed with, “Well, I do not feel that bad!”

We both cracked up. How witty of her and how appropriate. I am sorry, I just thought it was funny and wanted to share. Hahahaha.

By the way, I am glad that she does not feel that bad!

Back in the day . . . haha. I am really old so now you will really know how old!

When mom would mop the floors – on her hands and knees, of course, (which I still do) she would move all of the kitchen chairs away from the table and line them up in a row. She taught us kids how to play choo choo with the chairs. Honey was always the lead then me, and Little Phil was the caboose. Our father was a railroader so this game was important to us. We loved it! Although sometimes Honey, the conductor, could get a little bossy. She was the oldest after all. Haha.

We played trains until Mom needed to move the chairs back in place. She left a little path not mopped so we could get out of the room and somewhere else while we waited for the floor to dry. Woe to the person who walked on it! I do not understand that because to this day it does not bother me if someone walks on it. Perhaps we have better chemicals because I have never seen little footprints made from walking on it while it was wet.

At some point later she would wax the tiled floors. They were the old tiles they all had back then. Ours were dark brown and light brown. I am sure you have seen the type. They were alternated like a checkerboard. Any way, waxing time… That was our favorite part! It was more fun than choo choo train.

Mom would get her rag rugs…they still sell them today … and pull us around on them to buff the floor for a beautiful shine. We had two rugs going at a time because we could pull each other too. We had races and fights. We tried to push the others off. It was great fun! We pulled the person and then did an abrupt swing to the left or right. The goal was to knock them off. We learned to grab the sides and wrap ourselves up and it was more difficult to “swing us off the rug”. It could be accomplished though. Sometimes a swing to the left and quickly back to the right would knock a person right out of the rug. Waxing the floors was always the most fun part.

Mom seemed to make everything fun! I love you Mom!

A lot of times Wessie will call me from the store or some place when he is out and put someone strange on the phone that I actually know. He does this to embarrass me and perhaps make me look foolish. The game is that I am supposed to guess who is on the other end.

So, true to form, I receive a call from Wessie. I, of course. respond with a hello. The person on the other end has an extremely different voice. I know that they do this to confuse me. Rising up for the game, I completely mimicked the voice. He asked me if I knew this phone number. In my mimicking voice I replied that I did and made some small talk. I am very good at playing along.

This, however, was the wrong thing to do. The guy told me that he was in the bathroom at Walmart and had found this phone. He asked what I wanted him to do with it. Oh goodness! I was so embarrassed for making fun of his voice. I did not know whether to continue on in my mimicking voice or to straighten up and act serious.

I opted to keep the voice so he would not think I was a total jerk and told him to please take it to the service desk. I need to not play so much, but I never learn!

I then called the service desk and had Wessie paged. While I was on the phone the Walmart employee told me a gentleman just picked it up. I hollered for him to wait and asked how he knew it was the correct person. He yelled for Wessie to stop! Haha. He asked what the name of his company used to be. I could hear him respond, “Wesco”. I said that’s him, thanks for you help. I am just glad that Wesco did not say that he did not have a company since he no longer does.

That husband of mine!

When Shelby had her tonsils removed, a wonderful woman from church, Mrs. Perkins, came to visit and brought her a little bear. It was wearing a pretty white dress and when you squeezed it, it played, Jesus Loves Me. Shelby absolutely loved it!

The cat did not love it so much. Every single time that cat would see that bear, it would sneak and grab it and run downstairs as fast as it could and throw it in the litter box. We did not want Shelby to play and cuddle with a bear that had been in a litter box. We were afraid to wash it because the music may not work. We began hiding the bear from the cat, but it still managed to find it.

I was sitting here today and that popped into my mind. It was the cutest thing. Makes me smile and almost laugh out loud. There were three of the kids living here still, Rowdy, Cody and Shelby. Heath may have been around quite a lot. Whenever we would hear the music, the kids (even Heath if he were here) knew to find the cat. It was so cute and funny. You would hear, “Jesus Loves Me” and all kids on cue got up and ran to the downstairs. The cat was in front running as fast as he could, his tail straight out and his ears back. What a funny memory. You would have to see it. Hilarious!

We, to this day, do not know what that cat hated about that bear. We do not know if there was an odd smell or if the music bothered it. I wish I had a video of that. Also, why in the litter box? Haha. Funny!

Side note: Shelby still has the bear except it is safe in storage.

We have a new little dog that was given to us. I am not usually a dog person, but I love this little one so. Whenever Wessie is home and she barks, Wessie gets up with her and walks through the house with her saying, “What’s going on? Is Timmy stuck in a well? Let’s go find Timmy!” Wessie thinks he is so funny. It does make me laugh repeatedly though, no matter how many times he does it. Haha. In case some of you are too young, this is a reference to the show, Lassie that was on when we were children. Lassie was an exceptional collie that saved everyone.

Well, my daughter has a dog named Ree. Ree and our little dog, Minnie, were in my office while I was working one day. Ree took off out to the other room barking her head off. I responded to Ree telling her it was nothing as it usually is. She kept running out there and coming back in. I responded to Ree telling her I was not playing her game today.

Ree would not let up and I finally got up and followed her. She took me to my kitchen stove. A pot on the burner was boiling over! What a great dog! I was so impressed with her!

I guess there really are other Lassie’s in the world. I feel that every older person should have a dog around to take care of them!

So, since I had Covid, I have orthostatic hypotension. This means that when I stand, my blood pressure drops and it renders me unable to continue standing and also makes me short of breath. I have to use a wheelchair when I shop because it is standing too long and walking too much. I just cannot breathe.

Shelby was pushing me in the wheelchair at Walmart. She wanted these bowls and when she tried to get one, the whole stack was stuck together. She pulled and pulled on them. She twisted and turned them. She even went so far as to find a towel or washrag or some type of cloth to try to increase her grip to get them apart.

Then comes the big light bulb with the brilliant idea. Haha. Hey mom, hold on to this end while I pull this end. I eagerly grabbed the end to assist her. Guess what happened?! You know it! Haha. She pulled the bowls and my wheelchair and I just followed her down the aisle. She giggled a bit and tried again and again we all took off with her. Then we both lost it. It was so funny to us. She was standing there doubled over in laughter. It took awhile for us to stop laughing and people were walking by looking at us and wondering. Of course, that made it more funny. I love moments of uncontrolled laughter.

I am sure you are thinking, this is a blog? Well, I thought if you could envision it, it may be funny to you. However, it may have been one of those moments where you had to be there Anyway, you have a great day today and I hope I made you smile.

Think back to your childhood. I was thinking back to all of the outdoor things we did as children. Most of our life was spent outside. When we would wake up in the morning, we threw on our clothes and ran, literally ran, to the door and threw open the screen door and ran outside to play.

We would maybe stop and play with the dogs, climb some trees, head to the sand pile, go exploring in the woods or play P – I – G on the basketball hoop on the barn. Or maybe we would mess with the animals on the farm or play around in the barn and go on made up adventures. Sometimes we would play around in the creek which we always for some reason called the crick.

Living in the country, neighbor children (actually there were no close neighbors, we all had to ride our bikes to others homes) would stop by and join in playing. You just never knew what the day would bring and this was very exciting. Much more fun, I believe, than the children have today.

We had 10 acres of ground and tons of places to play. We had a sledding hill and a pond that Mom and Dad had made for us. We had wooden floors in the barn since Mom and Dad had square dances. We could skate and skate board in there. We played lots of games in there. Even had parties. Randomly at nights we would set up our tent and all of the siblings would sleep in it, or just one or two. What great times we had.

We would play tag, kick the can, New Orleans, Who wants a corner, hide and seek, just so many games. Kick the can reminded me of the times when we would step on pop cans so that they were stuck to our feet and we would walk around on them liking the noises it made.

The house was a good distance from the barn, so we could play flies and grounders, kickball and a small version of football. We would have races from time to time. The races is why I started writing this. Haha. I know that it happened to my brother and sister as well as myself, but I wonder if any of you have had this happen and would remember it.

We were outside playing around and had to run inside to get a drink. We usually had kool-aid or iced tea. No sodas for us back then. We loved both drinks, kool-aid and tea. Of course, there was not time to mess around, we had to get our drinks and get right back at it. That meant we chugged the drink and ran right back out. As we were running, I noticed that I could hear and feel my drink sloshing around in my stomach. I called my brother over immediately and had him listen. He tried to make his do that. His would not do it so he ran in and chugged some more. He finally got his to do it and we thought it was the neatest thing. Mine stopped doing it so we ran in to get some more to drink. At this point, our sister caught us and wondered what we were up to. Of course, her being older and smarter, she knew this was not possible. She had to get a drink and run out and try it too. Sure enough, we could all jostle our stomachs and make swishing noises. We thought it was the greatest thing ever. Did any of you ever notice this?

Funny how much entertainment we had with little or nothing. I sure miss those days. I could go on and on about the things we would do outside!

My neighbor, like clockwork in the morning and early afternoon somehow faithfully sets off his/her car alarm. When it happens, it does it twice, back to back with about a 5 minute gap in between. For the first few times, I jumped up and checked my car to see if mine was going off. Now when it happens I just smile. I wonder what it is they are doing to make it happen.

Today when it just happened, it reminded me of a story. Our children were in 6th grad. 3rd grade and 1st grade. Perhaps the 6th grader was in 7th. I may be wrong on those ages. We had just moved to our house here in town where we are now. We had purchased this home from a pastor’s mother and of course, she invited us to church when she met us at the closing. It took a few invites but we finally decided to go when Pastor saw Wessie at the lumber yard and told him a program called Awana was just beginning for children. We decided to go.

We never missed a week after we started. An evangelist was sheduled to visit for 3 weeknights in a row. We were going to skip the second night because we had a plumbing issue and Wessie was digging up something to fix it. I do not remember what. About 30 minutes before it was to start, he tossed down the shovel (he did NOT throw it at me like he recently did the hammer! Haha!) and said let’s go, I do not want to miss this guy. We hurried and went and that very meeting, we all got saved!

We had recently bought a used bronco and was driving that as our family car. We pulled up to church the next night for the third and final meeting and Wessie somehow set off the alarm. The horn was honking and the lights were flashing. We did not know what to do or how to stop it. Whatever we did made it “panic” more and the horn started honking furiously and the lights were going crazy! We had everyone’s attention! We were so embarrassed but we finally got them to stop. We were still relatively new and we were embarrassed for making a scene. Haha.

We are sitting in the sanctuary listening to the awesome speaker when he looks at us and smiles. He says something like . . . How do you like this?! This family is new to this church and they come here this week for this special event. They all were saved last night. Everyone was happy and smiling at us. He then goes on to say they are so happy! Tonight when they pulled in they were laying on the horn and had the lights a blazing!

I would say that is how it should be when you get saved! Lay on the horns and flash your lights and rush in to the church parking lot!

This past weekend was great! Weather was nice. We were opening the pool and getting the hot tub set up and just working away. I went out to help Wessie. Today was not one of his finer moments.

He was screwing in boards to cover the deck up after removing several pieces. I asked if I may practice screwing the screws in since I have my own power drill. He said sure. He showed me once and then said go ahead. Of course, the second one did not work so well and he came back saying rather loudly, you are stripping it. You are stripping it. Well I said it must have hit a knot or another screw. He said no and said I was fired. That sort of disappointed me and I said gosh teacher, I only got taught once. He apologized and called me back but I might be stubborn and I said no.

Later on I came back out to do something and he said for me to hammer in that nail near me that was sticking out. You won’t believe this one! He threw the hammer at me. Yes AT me. He must have thought he was throwing it TO me, but he did not accomplish that. He threw it and it hit the deck and bounced up and nailed me in the shin. There is next to nothing on your shin. Anything that hits it brings instant tears to your eyes! Wow. He felt so bad. He kept saying he was sorry and hugging me and saying he was really sorry.

I said I was glad he was not tossing me a knife!

I went in to tease Shelby and was going to call her and say dad threw a hammer at me but she called me first. I laughed and she said go over to Alexa and play Bang, Bang Maxwell’s Silver Hammer loud enough for him to hear and keep me on the phone because I want to know his reaction. We did just that. He ignored me for awhile and I kept turning it up louder. He finally asked how long it took me to figure t play that song! Haha. Poor Wessie.

I probably should not even be posting this one, but I guess it is okay for every one to have laughs on me. Laughing is great and in much need.

Wessie and I had a busy Saturday. We went shopping to 3 or 4 different stores. We usually have to pick up all of the different foods we need for the week. You know how it goes, you only will get your produce at this store, your meat at that store. It is just a bunch of running. I make meals for Wessie to take in his truck all week and then there is food for me. We went home and put the groceries up and went to have a drink. It was for a soda, not alcohol. We went to a few other stores that were not groceries after that and then we went to dinner.

Mind you, Wessie has been with me the entire day and did not ever tell me about this. I had seen several people too and they never told me. Hopefully they did not notice, but I know some people had to notice. It was so very obvious.

We were walking to the car after dinner and finally I noticed something. It was driving me crazy and interrupting my walking. I guess inside of my jeans with me was a pair of my underwear! It was hanging to the side so it must have been there the entire time. The part I noticed was when it was over the top of my shoe and was rubbing against the top of my foot while I was walking. Yes, they were hanging out enough for it to be obvious what piece of clothing it was.

I was so embarrassed. They must have been up in the legs of my jeans until they dropped down. So, that means I had a bulge somewhere in my pants all day. I was confused as to how it happened until Shelby said they got in there while my clothes were drying. Oh yeah, duh! That is exactly what happened.

I guess it is not so terrible, because I remember seeing a lady years ago, while working at the University here, walking up the stairs. She had her entire dress stuffed into the back of her panty hose and there was nothing left unnoticed. I tried to catch her but I did not make it to her in time. I am thankful that I was only walking around dragging my underwear!

I am a genius! Well maybe I am. Maybe someone else already thought of it and everyone knows but me. In thinking about it, if I did not know like everyone else, then I AM a genius for thinking of it. So, I am a genius! Some of you may thank me for this wonderful idea!!!

You know that little hole in the top of your pan lid? It is for steam escape correct? Yes it is. However, I found a really neat use! I was cooking rice and not all of the water had cooked out. I know I measured it correctly so I let if cook a little longer. There was still enough water that I did not want it like that.

I was trying to spoon out the rice and drain the water from there because I was too lazy to get the colander out. I saw the lid sitting over there and wondered! I put the lid on and held it tight. Went to the sink and it was the perfect way to drain the water through the little steam hole. Wow! This is a game changer! I am so excited. I immediately called Wessie and told him and he, too, thought it was a great idea.

In the middle of writing this, Shelby called me. I excitedly told her I was writing a blog on how I am a genius. She wondered why so I asked her if she knew what that hole on the lid of a pan was for. She said for steam to escape. I said right, but there is another use. She immediately said we use it for draining!

UGH!!! I felt defeated. My pride bubble was punctured. Then, I realized what I said above. I AM a genius for thinking of it even if everyone else already knows!

I came to turn on the computer to tag my children on facebook to have them call me so that I could find my phone. HaHa. It happens more times than it should. I have this bluetooth and I am so used to walking around without the phone that I often times lose the phone! I found the phone, so I figured I would just write about my incident.

I love baths. I always take a bath. I cannot even remember the last time that I had a shower. Due to my breathing issues and fatigue with Covid 19 (as a long hauler as they call us), it is harder and harder for me to take a bath. We have a shower downstairs, but then I would have to try to do the stairs. Thanks to my little brother, he gave me and put in a tub/shower for me. I hated to see my big older tub leave the premises, but that is what old age does for you. I have yet to use the shower due to my stubborn attitude that I have. I swear I am not stubborn but some say that I am. Some even call me hard-headed. Imagine that!

Anyway, I decided that tonight would be the night. I turned it on and figured out how it all worked. My husband and brother customized the shower to fit my height so I would not drown. They had great fun joking about this, but I told them I was taller than a lot of people I know. I did not want a shower in my house looking like it was for the munchkin family. However, I do have a separate shower head that I can take down and use just for me and the taller people can use the one that is attached. I hope that makes sense. So I got the water the right temperature and figured out how to use the heads. Hey! I even have two grab bars in there! A perfect short, old woman shower!

I do not watch scary movies, but I have heard about a shower scene in the movie Psycho, so I locked myself into the bathroom. That was my first mistake. I could not get either door to unlock and I was wondering how I would like sleeping in there with no phone to call anyone. I do have a nice fluffy bath mat and my two wet towels, so hey, I was good to go. I took a few deep breaths and finally got the door to unlock. We should probably change that lock because there have been so many people get locked in there that we have had to rescue. It is so funny when it happens to them though that we have not been in a rush to fix it. Maybe now I should put that on Wessie’s list!

Anyway, after my escape, I got on here to request a phone call from my friends on facebook. I guess I solved that problem on my own, too! Go me!!!!! (P.S. The shower was not so bad, but as of now, I still prefer a bath!)

Cotton balls! Furry, fuzzy, thready little balls. I remember on the movie Elf, Buddy eats them up like crazy. His father tells him to stop and he throws another one in his mouth and eats it. I have never ever seen anyone eat one before! I know, it is just television and he more than likely did not eat that cotton ball. The visual is still there in my mind, though!

Cotton balls ARE useful, though! However, I do not use them for much at all except to clean the dry/erase calendar. I use nail polish remover and just put one on top of the bottle and saturate it and the dry/erase board is perfectly cleaned! Takes no time at all!

However, I have this cat, named Zoe. For some reason this cat goes crazy over the smell of this polish remover. She must be addicted to the alcohol! When I used the cotton ball I would put it in the bottom of a cup so that I could reuse it the next time I clean the board. I don’t know why I do this, it is not like cotton balls are expensive. You get a huge bag when you buy them. But, for some reason, I must feel like I need to use it clear up! I would always later catch Zoe running down the hallway with this cotton ball in her mouth. The chase was on.

I would put the ball at the bottom of this cup that I keep odds and ends in on my desk. She would go right to it and work and work until she got it out of there. Every time I saw her on my desk, I would get her down. The next time, I would bury the ball deeper with heavier items. I do not know why it took me several months to decide to find a new location. I guess the cat is smarter than me, or, I just liked playing the game. I do not know. I am pretty sure that I did not like playing the game. Haha.

Since I came down with Covid, I have not used the calendar since October. I am getting some energy back so today I decided to update my calendar for February. I cleaned the board and filled in the dates and information. I left my office to go wash my hands and grab a bite to eat. When I return to the room, Zoe is standing on my desk on her hind legs sniffing the board like crazy. She must have been in withdrawals!! I thought that the cotton ball must have been smelled and sucked on by her so much that it lost its aroma. I could hardly get her away from that calendar!

Guess what??!! A surprise for me! Buddy is not the only one who eats cotton balls! Apparently Zoe does too. I do not know if I will find her staggering down the hallways or if she will have a little hangover tomorrow.

This is a brief little blog. I read something somewhere, probably a little facebook quote thing, but it was so true that I had to come on here and share.

When a new mommy tells me how tired they are, I jokingly tell them that from now on they will be tired the entire rest of their life. They laugh and I laugh, but it is totally true. If they are not keeping you up all night as babies, they keep you up all night as grownups, even when they do not live with you. A mother never stops worrying, at least I do not. I am assuming other mothers do too or there would not be so many sayings and quotes about that subject. I have actually had the new mommy come back and tell me that I was exactly correct with my tired statement. We laugh again, but we know it is too true.

Well, I do not have any clever sayings about the happiness of a mother. I just know that I am so blessed and happy to have my children. However, this quote hits the nail on the head.

A MOTHER IS ONLY AS HAPPY AS HER SADDEST CHILD.

Hmm. I had not thought of it that way. As simple as it is, I had not exactly put it into words like that. It seems that things are going along well and then a child has a setback. They are unhappy and we are unhappy. That child will be okay and there goes another child with a setback. Unhappiness again. There are good times, and very, very happy times, but that is such a true statement. Not only is a mother sad for her child, she worries and there is nothing mom can do to fix this like we used to be able to fix their scrapes. It really hurts when you cannot fix it or help your child. It is so hard. It is especially hard when more than one child is sad. Mom then feels all of their sadness and worries about all of them!

Oh well, that is life. I would not trade my children for anything.

I always read my blog to Wessie before I post it. It is sort of a second proofing. Wouldn’t you know, I was reading this to Wessie and when I read the last line, he said, but go ahead and make an offer.

I have a problem, obsession rather. I think it is probably because I am home so much of the time. I tend to rearrange the rooms . . . a lot. Well, my mother did that as well, so maybe that is what started it. She would often times tell Dad, what if we knocked that wall at and did blah, blah. Lol. When my nephew comes to visit from out of state, the room is usually rearranged since the last time he was here. The last time he was here he said that he felt like I lived in a slowly revolving home because everything was always moved. Ha!

At one point, we had 9 people living here for a period of time, Wessie and I and 7 children. Wow, is right! Wessie made this huge kitchen table and it turned out larger than he expected so we had to put it in the living room which was right off of a tiny dining room. That dining room held a small table for 6 people. That is crowded with the 6! I had turned that tiny dining room into a tiny living room but I could not stand seeing the sink and stove, the refrigerator, and all of that kitchen stuff while watching television or conversing with people. Four of the people had large bedrooms (one for a son and the other for a son, his wife and 1 year old daughter) downstairs so they were down there most of the time watching their own televisions and did not really join us in the upstairs living room. At one time, half of the basement was a huge family room and the other half was where we had our school. See how often I change things? Ha.

We had a bedroom down the hallway upstairs at the back of the house, so I got the bright idea of making that the living room. The bedroom at the back of the house was small but it was so cozy. We were even able to get our Christmas tree in there and have Christmas one year. After that, we moved it back because some of the people moved out.

The point of this story is that we called the bedroom/living room, the Bliving room. It was after all a bedroom turned into a living room. Bliving room made perfect sense. It just makes me laugh when I think of it because others started calling it the bliving room too. The cable man came in one time to do some work and we were all sitting at the table. He walks up the steps and he never breaks a stride and asks …. the router is still in the bliving room right.? Haha. The people at the table frowned and asked what he meant. The cable man and the kids and I broke into laughter. We had to explain just what the bliving room was. You all may not find any humor in this but to me it is funny. It makes me smile and laugh to think of how many people just accepted that word and called the room the same thing. Who says what room has to be what anyway. Right?

Hello all. I am sorry that I have not posted in awhile. Please do not give up on me. I will be back at some point soon.

I came down with Covid on November 11. It was not kind to me and it is taking some time to get over this virus.

I felt like I should let you know that I did not just disappear. Thank you for reading and following me and I will be back. I have Christmas posts from last year and there are others here that you could read if you have not read them all.

If I am not back the end of the month ….Merry Christmas to you all and thank you again!

People often joke about the size of your pill container determining your age. That could be partially true.  Haha!

I dont use a pill container but will probably have to relinquish and do so, if I can find one big enough, due to the forgetfulness.  Haha! Wessie uses one faithfully.

We did, however, have to have a dedicated pill cabinet in the kitchen. Wessie has his and I have mine. The overflow . . . yes there is an overflow . . . goes in the bathroom cabinets. Such a sign of our older ages.

Some people are able to just pour out a handful of pills and pop them in their mouth and swallow them. Wessie can do this as well. (He does have a big mouth, you know. Haha. Just joking). I have trouble swallowing one. I have since I was a child.

Most of my pills are vitamins and often times I skip some of them because it feels like such a chore. Swallowing them one at a time seems to take forever and it is not always a success. Sometimes choking is involved. Okay, a lot of times choking is involved.

As I was taking them all today it occurred to me that there were so many that it was like eating a meal. A tasteless meal obviously, but a meal. It took about as long as eating a small snack and I was full.

Maybe I should never miss a day! Perhaps I have come up with a new meal replacement and an easier way to lose weight!

As I was proofing this it dawned on me . . . forget the meal replacement idea. You have to take some of these medications with food. Haha. I will think on my next brilliant idea and get back to you!

You go places and you plan events with family and friends. You have high expectations of how much fun it will be. You remember days of old or even just last year. You all excitedly get together and darn….. what a let down. You all keep a happy face as best you can and say oh well, we were together. You say, there is always next year or next time. Obviously, everyone IS let down and it was NOT what we had expected. Things do get in the way, though, sometimes weather, sometimes people not being able to all make it, and now there is Covid.

That was the way with our annual Pumpkin Patch trip. The pumpkin patches all said they were open. We went to our favorite one which involved a lot of driving and to our dismay it was not fully open. It was even more driving for some of the family because they came from 2 hours away to begin with. All you could do was walk around and look at the variety of pumpkin and squash to purchase. Oh well, we all said. We took some pictures and said the obligatory things about being together was what mattered and that there is always next year. (Why did I suddenly think of the Chicago Cubs there?)

One day, when Cody and Shelby still lived at home, Cody and I were bored and we decided, hey we can go camping! We informed Dad when he came home from work and we packed everything up and went and set up site at Fox Ridge which is not far from our house. We rushed back in to town to meet Shelby who should be getting home from school. We told her to pack her stuff we were camping tonight. She had to go to work soon and was working until 10:00 p.m. We told her to pack her stuff and we would take her to work and pick her up afterward. What a great time we had then! Everyone was excited.

We love the unplanned spur of the moment events! We have a lot of those times. We often just jump up and go. Sometimes we wake up and decide to go visit one of our children or to go on a short trip. Some people just are not able to do something if it is not planned. If you are one of those people, please lighten up and try to do it. It is so nice. You have no idea what the day may bring.

One Sunday morning we were getting ready for church and a friend of the children called as we were supposed to pick him up for church. He said, hey can we skip today and go exploring. We picked him up and took off driving and stopped wherever we wanted along the way. What a great day that was. God may not have liked that we “skipped” out, but we did. I am glad that we could lighten up and go do a friend’s request. For whatever reason, he must have needed that and we all enjoyed the day with lots of laughter.

Also, there are the times when you are out and about that just happen to turn in to one of the best times you have had. Nothing was planned, nothing special was going on, it just happened. That has happened so many, many times. One just happened recently which prompted me to post this. There were only three of us. It was just an ordinary night and all of a sudden, we were laughing and singing and dancing and having the best time ever! It is great in another way because all that week, you think about those good times and smile and this leads you to having a better week than you normally may have had.

There have been many other such events that were planned, and unplanned even, that have turned out to be a let down. Do not allow the let downs to stop you, keep going. Then, there are the pleasant surprises that can be the very best. Do not stop planning and do not stop the impromptu! You never know when you will have one of the best and happiest times. Go with the flow. Always laugh. Do not be afraid to laugh even if it is at yourself. Keep looking for the good times and keep smiling, there are not enough good times. Make your own. You will be surprised at how nice it feels to smile and more so to laugh.

We recently had our roof and gutters replaced due to a hail and wind storm.

My brother painted my shutters and he was here today hanging them. Of course I was helping again!

I was handing him the brush and he would brush the dust and spider webs off of the siding and then I handed him the screws and a shutter and he would attach the shutter. My helping saved him trips up and down the ladder.

Some places where the ladder had to be placed were a little precarious. I was so thirsty and it was so windy. I had handed him everything and knew that after this shutter he would have to get down and move the ladder. So . . .

I tell him I am going to get a drink and will be back and I tell him to be careful. I then proceed to walk away. Oh, gosh! …I just keep laughing as I am typing this! For some reason it makes me laugh.

As I am leaving he is saying ok I hope I am ok. If you hear a thud and it is me falling will it make a difference and you will come back sooner? I suddenly stop walking and giggle a bit and ask him if he would mind waiting until I get my drink before he falls.

He said something smart back but I don’t know what it was because I was laughing so hard by then. I guess you had to be there but how silly of me to just walk away in the middle of something important and then him to calmly ask if I would come sooner if I heard him fall.

I guess I have a weird sense of humor.

Well the story about my father’s brakes going out and someone driving through Buffalo Wild Wings while my son was working brought another brake story to my mind. This one is another famous Wessie story.

I had a car that seemed to have a history of getting the back passenger door crashed. I cannot remember the first time, but I actually am thinking it was Wessie. The next time, I was at Walmart stuck behind a car waiting for a parking space. A car beside me started backing out of his parking space and was headed straight for my back passenger door. I honked and honked and tried to go forward or backward to get out of the way while I was honking the entire time. It was to no avail. He crashed the back door in. We, of course, had it repaired.

We lived in the country and had a huge pole barn. I parked by pulling into the side of the barn to the north and Wessie parked by pulling into the end of the barn toward the west. He was getting ready to go to work one night and we all had kissed him goodbye.

My son was standing by the front door which was closed, so we were unable to see out. I heard a sickening crunch sound that you always remember once you hear it. It is the sound of a car being smashed by another. It is a very recognizable sound. I was trying to open the door because I could not imagine what would have happened. My son asked what was the matter. I told him to move because someone had hit a car. He was puzzled as well, but moved out of the way so I could open the door.

Outside of the garage door was Wessie standing there in disbelief. No vehicles could be seen. I asked if he had hit a car and said I heard the unmistakable noise of metal on metal. He just stood there. The kids came running out by then and we went to the barn. Sure enough, the front end of Wes’ old vintage red truck was in my back passenger door.

I could not believe he did that. I asked how in the world he did that. This is even more unbelievable. . . his response was that he noticed the brakes were not working as he was backing out, so he pulled back into the pole barn. The son had a response then as well. He asked his father, did you think, let’s see, stop the truck by backing into the basketball pole or pull in and smash the cadillac? Well all of us lost it then. Wes was once again the brunt of the laughter.

Obviously he was not thinking. Of course, the truck, a 1966 short bed Chevy street rod, is good and heavy, so nothing happened at all to the truck. My car door did not fare so well. When Wessie went to have it again repaired, the body shop owner asked if we just wanted a target painted there. I said no, thank you, Wes has a very good aim!

I cannot remember the year for this story, but my sister, myself and my little brother were still living at home. My father, has a sense of humor different than others. It is the BEST humor ever. Just a little information here, first. Sometimes you do not get his humor until later and you think about what he said and go oh yeah and laugh when you are not even around him. Then you feel like an idiot busting out laughing alone and people stare at you. The main thing about his humor is that he is so QUICK!

Anyway, this one in particular …. He had taken his car in to get his brakes fixed as they were not working well. My sister picked him up and brought him home until they called him back and said that the job was finished. I do not remember who dropped him off up there, but someone did and then left.

My father went into the store to settle up the bill. He reached in his pocket and to his dismay, he had not brought his check book with him. Living in a smaller town, everyone knew him. So he said I will run home and get my check book and be right back. They, of course, said okay.

My father came back to the auto shop, pulled into the parking lot and drove right through the front windows and into the store! Wow! The brakes they just fixed did not work at all. What is the likelihood of getting your brakes fixed and finding they weren’t fixed by driving into the place that fixed them! To me, that is the beauty of the story. I guess it should not be as it is sad that they had such damage to their store, but what irony!! What a way to test your brakes.

Back to my father’s humor. He was shaken, but he calmly stepped out of the car, showed his checkbook and said, “I guess I do not need this now. I guess I won’t be using it.” Everyone there laughed. Laughter is a good way to relieve stress and tension. We are so thankful that EVERYONE was okay. How scary.

This story came to mind yesterday as we were with family and it was brought up about Cody working at Buffalo Wild Wings while he was in school in Dekalb. They were at the front door at their stations and suddenly a car came crashing through! He was okay, but a few were injured slightly. One girl was pushed a bit by the car and was a bit airborne for awhile. How scary there too! Talk about Wild Wings!

I realize that there are lots of confusing spellings of words. The ones that get me the most though are the words with the hidden letter W.

Why do you even need to have that W in there? The word answering. Go ahead and pronounce the W. “an swering.” I am not an English major or anywhere close to it, but why is the W even needed there?

Then there is sword. Go ahead and pronounce the W in that. I cannot even figure how to type it so that you pronounce it with the W sound. Lol. I am sure that you get my point though and can figure out how to do it.

There is wrist, wriggle, wrinkle, wreck, wrought, wrong, wrestle. These words you actually cannot pronounce the W as you can in answer and sword. I am trying to think if there are others like answer and sword but I cannot come up with any others.

To me at least wrist, wrinkle, wreck and the others you can leave the W silent at the beginning. The W in the middle of answer and sword drives me crazy.

Are there any of you majors out there that know if there is a reason for this? I really am wanting an “an swer” if you would not mind “an swering.”

I had trouble eating properly due to feeling like I used to cook for an entire crew and reducing to just cooking for me. I ate very unhealthy snack foods because how do you cook for one person? I then realized that with my husband being a truck driver, I could cook a regular meal and freeze the rest for him to take for his meals.

I wondered if I had been a good mother at all. I even asked my children if they had a good childhood. I apologized for incidents that I remembered and I cried all of the time. I would wish I could do it all over again. Not that anything was that bad at all, because it was not, but I would just remember and wonder. I wished we had more money so we could have done more. We made the choice to home school and knew we would only have one income and that is what we decided to do because we considered that more important. I still feel that it was a good decision and very important to do.

Sometimes, I would just lay around and then I would sleep and feel like everyone would be better off without me because I was not pleasant to be around. I have always loved life and had wished I was not this old because I had so much more to do. At this point, I felt like I was ready whenever God wanted me and that could be as soon as He wanted. I felt that I was just wallowing and feeling pity for myself, but I could not rise above it. I have never felt pity for myself. I usually am a pretty happy person. I choose happiness and laughter. I do not want to live that way that I was. I wanted my children’s attention so much when they were just trying to live their lives. My children are wonderful, they were just doing what they were supposed to be doing and being successful at it. I am very, very proud of them. All of them. I have others, but these two were the babies, the others had long since moved out. There is a big age difference in the children due to Wessie and I having been married before. I really have no friends, so I could not just do things with them. I was used to hanging with family and when they were gone, who did you do anything with?

I was so used to taking care of them that it was terribly hard not knowing if they were home and in bed safely. They have been very understanding and I text them and they let me know. Poor kids, hahaha, having an overprotective mother like me! That may be part of why I felt they would be better off without me – they would no longer feel like they had to report to mommy. I am better and I do try not to bother them so much. I get so upset when they are hurt still. I cannot kiss it and make it better or hold them while they cry. That is so very hard. I will always want to shelter them and make things better for them if I can at all.

My oldest daughter lost her husband recently and there is nothing at all that I can do and it is tearing me apart. I want to take all of her sadness and see her beautiful smile again. I want her to go on and lead the life they had planned. I know she feels she cannot without him and she cannot really. It will never be the same. She will go on but it will be different. I wish I could do something for her.

I am always wondering and asking if they have money and if they have food. I am sure that I drove them nuts! I still do to an extent. The medicine did help a tremendous amount. Anyway, I keep having thoughts that I could go on and on with. But I will stop before I say too much and ramble.

The reason that I began to write about this in the first place was to perhaps help someone else that may need to hear that they are normal. I felt so terrible about thinking everyone would be happier without me. I did not mention this to many people because I felt it was a horrid thought. I did not want them to worry that I would actually do anything because I will never. But what actually prompted me was a woman named Chonda Pierce. She is a Christian comedian that I stumbled across on You Tube. A video popped up where she was talking honestly and openly about her depression. She had the same feeling that perhaps it would be better off if she were not here. I felt so much better after listening to her. I had thought I was in such sad shape for thinking that at all. If she felt that way, others probably do too. So, here I am sharing.

She cried some and also made light of it in her video. This is not a direct quote following here, it is my wording of what I remember her saying. She said she confessed this to her daughter and said she was thinking of jumping in the river. She said her daughter being so sweet and understanding said to her that she knew she would have to tell dad didn’t she. She said she heard them outside of her room talking in muffled voices. She said her husband came in and said I hear you want to jump in the river. She said yes. She said her husband said to her that she did know the river was only about a foot deep didn’t she. She laughed.

Anyway, I hope this helps someone. Do not be afraid to admit it. Get some help. It does work. It does not mean you are a failure. I love you all. Thank you for listening!

I had so many, many feelings and emotions when I was laying on the couch and sleeping only. I first of all want to make it clear that no one is to blame but myself. It will sound like I am placing blame, but I am not. I am positive this is what empty nest is.

We decided to home school our children when they were in first and third grade. This means that I had the wonderful opportunity to spend all of my time with them. This was important because school and their activities are so rushed and children grow up before you know it. The more time, the better for us. All I had ever wanted out of life was for someone to love me and give me babies to love. Dad still had to work, but he had more time with the children as well. We joined Awana and even became leaders to spend more time with them. We were youth group leaders for their age group. We even taught Sunday School class for awhile. We started a church basketball team for children and Wessie coached. I scheduled the games and we even had cheerleading for the girls. It was a fantastic life! The children always had game nights at our house on the weekends and our house was continually full of children and laughter. What a blessing for us. I am so happy we had these opportunities. I would LOVE to do it all over again.

Suddenly, everyone grows up and moves out, just like they are supposed to. This is a common thing for children to do. It is great when your children can move on and be without you. It means you did it right and did a good job. But . . . Mom is left alone as dad is gone more often now. Major sadness sat it. I knew nothing else to do. It felt like I had no purpose. What what I supposed to do? There was a big void in my life. When Wessie would come home on the weekend, we would shop, do his laundry and get him ready to work again on Sunday. That was it. Wow. What a change from how it used to be.

That is why I finally cried to Wessie and said that I either needed a baby, cats, or I needed to kill myself. I am glad he chose the cats as I thought he would teasingly say go ahead, I will miss you. Haha. Do not worry, I would never kill myself. I would not do that and have anyone have to find me. That would be a horrid thing to do.

I was quite a pest to everyone at that particular time. I cried a lot and shared those cries with my friends. They listened. Well, I really do not have friends, my family is what I have. They are my very best friends.

I am sorry to do this, but there is so much more that I am afraid I will have to have one more post. See you tomorrow and thanks for listening.

I left off with having talked with the pharmacist. This pharmacist is the best I have ever had! He shared with me his own issues and I even cried for him. He was of such help. My Wessie was totally impressed as well. The pharmacist even mentioned that counseling may help if I ever needed that. He shared how it had helped him. He spent so much time with us and I feel that he went above and beyond.

I told him how I felt like a failure having to take medicine and he explained everything to me in detail and I left there feeling okay, even good, about taking it. He said that even though it was hard for me that the hard part was over and that was in asking for help. I felt even worse because I had never actually thought people needed medicine. I always understood depression meaning that if you were alone or doing things that made you sad like looking at old photos of your deceased family members and things like that, then you would be depressed. I always had thought the key was to get up and occupy yourself. I found that during this, I did not want to even get up. I just would do my job and then lay on the couch and cry or just sleep.

I forget the statistics he gave me but there is a large percentage of people who suffer depression. He also said something like . . . imagine the firefighters and their depression, the first responders and their depression, the veterans and their depression, the doctors, nurses and health care professionals and their depression, the police officers and so on, now magnify what you have imagined he said. Wow! I have never even thought about that. He told me an amount of time that it would take for the full benefits of the medicine, I think 6 months, I do not know. I asked when I could stop taking it after that. He responded by asking me why I would ever want to if it helped me.

Turns out he was correct on all points. I will finish tomorrow with what prompted me to even post these blogs on depression.