Depression Attitude – Part 3

I had so many, many feelings and emotions when I was laying on the couch and sleeping only. I first of all want to make it clear that no one is to blame but myself. It will sound like I am placing blame, but I am not. I am positive this is what empty nest is.

We decided to home school our children when they were in first and third grade. This means that I had the wonderful opportunity to spend all of my time with them. This was important because school and their activities are so rushed and children grow up before you know it. The more time, the better for us. All I had ever wanted out of life was for someone to love me and give me babies to love. Dad still had to work, but he had more time with the children as well. We joined Awana and even became leaders to spend more time with them. We were youth group leaders for their age group. We even taught Sunday School class for awhile. We started a church basketball team for children and Wessie coached. I scheduled the games and we even had cheerleading for the girls. It was a fantastic life! The children always had game nights at our house on the weekends and our house was continually full of children and laughter. What a blessing for us. I am so happy we had these opportunities. I would LOVE to do it all over again.

Suddenly, everyone grows up and moves out, just like they are supposed to. This is a common thing for children to do. It is great when your children can move on and be without you. It means you did it right and did a good job. But . . . Mom is left alone as dad is gone more often now. Major sadness sat it. I knew nothing else to do. It felt like I had no purpose. What what I supposed to do? There was a big void in my life. When Wessie would come home on the weekend, we would shop, do his laundry and get him ready to work again on Sunday. That was it. Wow. What a change from how it used to be.

That is why I finally cried to Wessie and said that I either needed a baby, cats, or I needed to kill myself. I am glad he chose the cats as I thought he would teasingly say go ahead, I will miss you. Haha. Do not worry, I would never kill myself. I would not do that and have anyone have to find me. That would be a horrid thing to do.

I was quite a pest to everyone at that particular time. I cried a lot and shared those cries with my friends. They listened. Well, I really do not have friends, my family is what I have. They are my very best friends.

I am sorry to do this, but there is so much more that I am afraid I will have to have one more post. See you tomorrow and thanks for listening.

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