The Names Have Been Changed To Protect The Innocent . . .(Actually, the names have been left out.)

Yes, you probably have most often heard this on Dragnet.  I am using it in a different way, but yet the same, to protect the innocent.  I am sure that all of you know that feeling when all that your family has to do is to mention a phrase and you instantly die inside hoping beyond all hope that the embarrassing story about you will not be told.  Everyone that knows about it in the room bursts out laughing and the poor victim is sweating bullets.  They try to laugh so as not to give it away that it is about them while at the same time shooting you looks that could kill.

So, following here, I will post a few that you will just have to use your imagination with and I hope that the “victims” get a smile out of it.  Keep in mind, that I have tons of nieces and nephews so these stories are not particularly about Shelby and Cody although I am sure that I will remember some about them.  There will probably be several installments to this story as items come to mind.  Not many have come to mind right now, but I thought I would start with a few.

You all know how terrible the stomach flu can be.  You may remember things such as sitting on the toilet with a trash can in front of you and various other bad, bad memories.  Well with one relative, all we have to say is “why me?”.  We usually say this as pathetically as possible with great expression.  A lot of people in the room get a great laugh…. all but one.

A person one time had an injury that we will not mention how it happened in a place that we could not get a bandage to stick to.  Someone came up with the idea of placing a feminine napkin there.  It was a great idea because it would just stick to the underwear in that particular place.  It was working great and the victim was so happy about how well it was working.  They were happy until they realized that if something happened like a wreck or what have you, how in the world would a napkin in their pants be explained.  That part is funny, but the injury is actually what is funny.  All we have to do is mention a related phrase and a lot of people in the the room get a great laugh … all but one.

There was a person in their young age that would run around telling everyone they almost had a girlfriend.  Most people would respond and ask, “almost?”  That person would smile and say yes.  They would then tell the story as follows, “I said hi and they said hi back!” No one could help their response of insane fits of laughter.  This has been several years ago, but yet someone brought it up to me recently and said they would never, ever forget that and it still made them laugh.  We only have to say the words she said hi back and a lot of people in the room get a great laugh … all but one.

Now, the story on the person who remembered that story above.  You know those little plastic swimming pools for children?  Well, we had one for a little person.  We had just filled it and by the time it was filled, the sun had moved and we needed to move it into the sun to warm it up.  My sister and I were struggling to lift and carry this heavy pool to move it.  We were sweating and grunting and having a terrible time moving it.  My sister told me we should move it over to that bare spot in the yard.  We are attempting to do this and are quite frustrated as it is so heavy and bulky.  A little person is grabbing my leg and calling my name and was adamant to get my attention.  Finally I dropped my end of the pool and asked what.  Such a cute little face with a sobbing, somewhat fearful voice asked so sweetly, “what did that bear do there??”  Awwww, the precious, precious little person.  My sister and I broke out in laughter, but of course, comforted the little person.  How sweet is this story?? We only have to ask what the bear did there and a lot of people in the room have a great laugh …all but one.

One person would sit around and complain about being hungry in between meals.  We offered a candy bar or peanut butter cups and the such.  They would tell us they did not like chocolate.  We offered potato chips, but they said they only liked a certain type.  It seemed that we mostly had chocolate to offer since the chips were a no go.  They vehemently repeated that they hated chocolate.  Suddenly their face lit up and they said,  “hey let’s make some brownies.”  We all burst out in laughter.  Haha, duh, what are brownies made from?? So, all we have to say is lets make some brownies and a lot of people in the room have a great laugh … all but one.

There was a person who had their bath and suddenly came running out of the bathroom and ran all through the house.  Their family was concerned and was trying to catch the person to see what was wrong and they were all yelling things like what is wrong, are you okay, what is the matter.   Can you just picture everyone running through the house behind a small naked person? As the victim was running past the frantic people, they breathlessly replied without stopping, “drying off!”  Haha.  What a great story.  As this became a pattern for the victim, when others happened to be visiting the house at this time, when the victim would come running by the other children laughingly informed everyone that they were drying off.  If anyone says “drying off”, a lot of people in the room get a great laugh … all but one.

One more story for this post.  Sometimes reactions people have to things embarrass them.  There is one person who does not like their reaction to a movie.  It really embarrasses them but I think it was the cutest thing ever.  The movie was Boys Town.  Pee Wee was hit by a car.  The victim here, frantically and sobbing heavily yelled, “PEE WEE!!”  They were crying and were so cute looking.  Comfort was immediately given to the victim but the victim was so angry that the others were smiling and laughing at the cute, caring outburst of this little person.  For some reason, this person hates to have this brought up.  I have no idea why, because how sweet is that reaction?!! All one has to say is “Pee Wee!” and a lot of people in the room get a laugh … all but one.

I am pretty sure the victims find it just as funny, they just have a slight feeling of embarrassment.  All families do this and have many stories, I am sure!  Feel free to share some “nameless” stories if you would like.  If you share them, we can all laugh … all but one!

 

 

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