What Is That On Your Shoulder, Mom????

Off of the kitchen is our back door which opens to a deck. We have a hot tub, pool and a fire pit. With the fire pit, of course, you need a wood pile. I do not know which would attract wood roaches, but one or all of them do attract them. I would say that the wood attracted them and hence the name, but when the wood is gone, the roaches are not. It is a little frightening to have one of those large things fly on you while sitting on the deck. We all HATE them. It seems like they are 1.5″ to 2″ in length. Nasty, scary looking things with long legs and huge antenna. I was going to post a photo, but I do not even want to see it on here even if it is just a photo!

Unbelievable with all of my “invaders” that I even like to camp, but I love camping! That is why we tried to make our backyard like a campground. To turn our yard into that was my sister’s idea. We could not camp one year and she said make your backyard your campground. It is much nicer to have clean water rather than a lake. It is nice to see the bottom and nothing is swimming in there. Well, the occasional bug does until it drowns. Haha. It is even better to enjoy the fire and retire in a nice comfortable bed rather than the floor of a tent. It is harder to get up off the ground these days.

Anyway, sometimes these nasty creatures travel in to the house with you (meaning they hitch a ride) or they just sneak in while the door is open. We were very close with a family and their three girls would often spend the night with us. We loved all of them! One of the girls is named Sidney. She spent many a night and day with us. Sidney and Shelby were in the kitchen and I walked into the room for something. Sidney was whispering to Shelby as they always do and were giggling like they always do. I was sort of ignoring them and going about my business because this was their standard behavior. They always had such fun together. In fact, all of us had fun.

Finally I noticed that all of their giggling was while they were staring at me. As I would get closer to them they would back up. Sidney was looking a bit worried and they were backing away. I asked what was going on. Shelby started stammering around that there was a bug on my shoulder. I did not believe them and they were laughing more and more. Shelby said that Sidney whispered to her that there was a bug on her mom’s shoulder. I sort of am telling them, yeah, right, he is just sitting there like a little pet. They are cracking up even more. Shelby told me that he really was. She went on to say that he actually had his little legs on my shoulder like he was hanging on and his little face was peeking over my shoulder at them.

I started to believe them and Shelby said it was a wood roach. I started panicking for them to get him off. They refused!!!! Unbelievable, after all those years of me saving them and nothing! They were backing away from me more and more and I am approaching them more and more. Enter Cody, my son. I start hurriedly, maybe screaming, to Cody that there is supposedly a bug on my shoulder and for him to get him off. Cody also said no and backed away. I told you we all hate those bugs! I keep demanding that someone get the bug off of me. Fearless (dripping with sarcasm) Cody takes his leg and tries to step on the bug while he is on my shoulder which means that he actually kicked me in the shoulder. That kick took my breath away. Of course, Sidney and Shelby burst into harder laughter and Cody joins right along. I am failing to see the humor here. I am not like a possum carrying my baby along with me and I want him gone!

There seems to be no help available for me so I do the only thing I can. I quickly remove my shirt and throw it out. There is a lot more laughter and I feel my upper hip getting a swift, hard kick to it. Cody again! I guess the movement of the shirt knocked the bug to my behind! I am hysterically asking if he is off of me and they can only laugh. I loudly say I am not taking my jeans off and ask again if he is gone. They tell me that they think he flew off of me. I am sorry to offend anyone here, but I spotted him on the floor and stepped on him. He was out of my misery now. Shelby said that I turned to them and said, “Gee thanks, guys!”

They had great fun retelling the story and had many laughs about it. Shelby said it was funny to watch me dance around. We all know that I love to dance, but I prefer it with music and a different dance partner!